Frustration has set in.  I recently joined a support group.  The point of the group was to help everyone to follow and be motivated on a healthy eating nutrition system.  Isagenix.  I’m happy with the product and my success after week one is huge.  But I feel like an outcast.

A few days ago I posted a link here and and asked for comments.  NONE.  I post a success on insulin – TONS of likes etc.  I post another link here. NOTHING.  I post a post on how successful I was. TONS of comments.  I post a question about why a product that’s limited and sells out in a day, isn’t offered longer.  I said I felt manipulated.  Post was removed almost immediately.  NO EXPLANATION or anything.  I felt censored and belittled.  Today I post a legitimate question.  I wanted to gauge the success of this program for people like me.  People who have battled weight all their life.  It was deleted and I was messaged informing me my use of the word FAT is not allowed and only POSITIVE posts were desired.  So I realized I didn’t belong.  I can’t be on a site that censors posts.  To only keep things cheery and peppy is a great idea, but it’s not realistic.  ANY transition will have ups and downs.  To disregard the frustrations, you aren’t acknowledging the journey.  So I post a goodbye post.  AGAIN deleted. IMMEDIATELY.  SERIOUSLY.  WTF.  NOT COOL.  NOT COOL AT ALL.  I just want to belong.  I just want to fit in.

I already doubt my value and my life.  I don’t need total strangers adding to that self doubt and making me think my questions and comments aren’t acceptable.  I’m an educated person.  I don’t just follow along mindlessly.  I ask questions.  I assess situations.  I look at reality.  I’m not a mindless drone willing to accept only positive cheers and likes and think THAT is reality.  C’mon.  EVERYONE has ups and downs and questions.  Not permitting me to be REAL isn’t fair.  So now I need to tackle this somewhat by myself.  I just want to belong.  But again I feel like an outsider.  I’m still the FAT KID unwanted by society.  That’s a pretty tough pill to swallow from a weight loss support group.  THANKS FOR NOTHING.

I’ll take my big baggy granny panties and leave.  I’ll try and reach out to individuals who will accept me and my questions.  I want people in my life who trust my intentions and don’t undermine my own value.  I deserve that.  I just want to belong.