Tag Archives: children

Housework

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I definitely need a new housekeeper.  My current one is just NOT getting the job done at all.  It seems she spends all her time sleeping, or sitting at the computer, trolling Facebook, pinterest or playing solitaire.  She has absolutely NO work ethic at all.  She is a nice enough person,quite social in fact,  but just doesn’t seem to have any gumption.  In a full day, she might accomplish a couple loads of laundry or maybe load the dishwasher and wipe the counters.  She has been saying for WEEKS that she will clean the kitchen floor, and yet as of today – STILL not done.  She has been making some meals lately.  That’s been wonderful.  She  has even done some baking, but she didn’t clean up after herself. And now I have all these fattening treats to enjoy.  Bitch.

She finally washed and changed the sheets on my bed, but I did have to sleep a night without any, as they were still in the washer at bedtime.  She is just so easily distracted. She never seems to stick to a task and just “get’er done!”   Now I totally understand since the tasks are never ending and there is little appreciation realized when they are done. But its her responsibility. HER JOB.

Now before you think “must be nice to have a housekeeper at all” or “geez why don’t you fire her”, I’ll let you in on a secret.  Its me!  I’m the housekeeper. AND I’ve been trying to get myself fired for YEARS.  But is not working – apparently there is nobody to replace me.  Somehow my friends have the OCD  housekeepers that put away the mail, wipe up after every spill and even have trained the kids living there to vacuum and tidy without being ASKED!  SERIOUSLY!!  But nope I’m stuck with ME. (and my friends don’t actually have “hired” help either)

I have VERY good intentions,.  Just ask me when I’m in bed, what I’ll be doing the next day.  Oh my house will be spotless and everything will be where it should be. The paint won’t be chipped, the carpets won’t be stained and the smell of homemade bread will permeate the rooms.  The landscaping will be done, the lawn mowed and weeded.   This house would be a show home for Better Homes and Gardens.  Martha Stewart herself would be green with envy.  But then I wake up! Yeah my dreams and intentions are definitely NOT my reality.

Aren’t you supposed to leave your mail IN the mailbox for a week or more until you are ready to sort it?  At least there it isn’t lying on a counter making a mess!

And honestly HOW do you get a teenager to not store half of the kitchen’s dishes and utensils in his room? Even then, the dishwasher and sink are always full and there seems to only be a 30 second window when its all clean.  Because no sooner did you wash the last dish, then a kid comes for another glass of milk and piece of toast! NO – back away from my kitchen. Its clean and I don’t want that blob of jam hitting my floor or that dirty knife anywhere near my sink.  Just back away – I’m STILL holding the mop (well actually I’m not – since its been weeks since I picked it up)

I’ve often thought I should just get disposable dishes.  But I haven’t found a good source for disposable pots and fry pans. So I’m still stuck cleaning up.

And what is the deal with flat surfaces?  Is there a gravitational FORCE in every counter and table top that PULLS every bit of paper and miscellaneous clutter to it and HOLDS it in place with an iron grip.  I swear -I can pick up something from one surface and suddenly find it 5 minutes later on a different surface!  Its like it LEAPS from the recycle bin or trash and dances on the table singing “nah nah nah nah nah, you can’t catch me”

So yeah – I get why my housekeeper just gives up and runs to the computer.  My granny panties are being pulled by the gravitational force in the couch and sits down.  Its a flat surface (the couch, NOT my butt) . Its science – I can’t argue with science.  So I sit and blog about it instead!

And that’s me!

Little sponges

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I’ve had my eyes opened dramatically in the past 24 hours.  I have my 5 year old niece visiting us.  This is her first time to our home.  And as most 5 year old kids, do, she says what she is thinking with no filter.  Her comments are a reflection of what she sees based on her own perceptions.

As I noted a few blogs ago, I didn’t remember “teaching” my own daughter my ways of thinking.  But suddenly I am seeing my warped ideals and misconceptions being repeated in her thoughts. I didn’t want my child to suffer the same frustrations I have. I didn’t TRY to influence her in those negative thought patterns, and yet somehow she absorbed those problems like a sponge.

I’m seeing trends already in my niece that are no different.  She is clearly a sponge too.  As soon as my niece got in my van, she right away said “you really need to clean this”.   Sure there is some garbage in the van – a take out bag, a disposed bag of chips from the beach last week, a towel, some misc. stuff – but actually – compared to what we sometimes have – its pretty darn good!   Within 10 minutes of being in our home, she commented on my LR “why is it so messy?”  I told her it wasn’t – sure the throw cushions and blankets were tossed on the floor – so what?! we USE this room.  and sure there is a laundry basket with a couple of towels waiting to be put in the linen closet, and my daughter’s camping bin with her clothes ready to take to the trailer (she had just packed them for our upcoming trip).  And the room was vacuumed about 5 day ago -so relatively tidy.  So she pointed to the stains on our 10 year old carpeting – “but that’s dirty”

Since when does a 5 year old comment on house keeping and carpet stains?  Where did she learn this “standard”  Who TAUGHT her that a room has to be “perfectly tidy” and essentially immaculate?  I bet her mom (my sister-in-law) didn’t intentionally sit her down and tell her that clean is good and messy is bad.  etc.  But this little sponge has figured out that value.

I’ve spent YEARS agonizing over the “perfect home” syndrome and not living up to it. Worrying what if someone shows up and judges me.  Thinking that I’m a worthless person because I can’t keep the spotless home AND live in it too.  That I’m not a neat freak and don’t clean and tidy all the time.  I have wished at times for a bit of the OCD cleaning vibe some of my friends have.  I struggle daily.  I don’t want to live on fake pretenses.  I want to believe that the state of my home is NOT what i’ll be judged on – that I’ll be judged on my morals and values and actions, and not whether I have a laundry basket in my LR.

But then WHAM – a FIVE year old reinforces my warped message.  NOPE – not good enough.  MUST CLEAN MORE.  I don’t measure up.  BUT WAIT.. I need to say STOP. I need to halt the thinking.

I’ve been continually frustrated by my SIL (her mom) for this VERY issue.  I’m not allowed to visit my brother unless her house is perfect.  They are out of town. I may only see them 1 or 2 times a YEAR.  And I HAVE to give ample warning if I want to show up at their home, so that it can be “clean enough”.  My brother has had to be secretive if I come over when the house has not been “ready”.  I don’t care about their home.  I really don’t.  I want to see them!  I suffer the same self doubt as my SIL – the “what will others think of me” if something isn’t right.  I GET it.

But to hear my niece comment in a disgusted tone, on a yard full of dandilions “that yard has lots of weeds” (thankfully NOT mine! 🙂 is sad too.  She has already developed that perception that outward appearances is important.  Like a sponge, she has absorbed that message.  And I bet, like me and her mother, it will haunt or trouble her as she grows older and tries to continually strive to meet that unattainable high standard.

It makes me cry when I see my daughter getting therapy to help her break her distorted thinking.  I feel guilty.  I blame myself.  But my therapist pointed out something critical – “she is breaking that pattern NOW.  She has not spent 40 years thinking this”

I’m trying to break the thinking traps.  I’m trying to replace distorted thinking with realistic thinking.  I’m trying to ignore the messages of a 5 yr old and remember that a Social worker was just in my home a week ago (for other reasons) and says I’m doing absolutely fine.  That there are no concerns with my home. I have to believe this.  I have to take it to heart.  I do NOT (and nor does my SIL) have to have a spotless home, to be a worthy person.  And my little sponge next to me, is learning valuable lessons every second – whether I “teach” it consciously or not.

She needs to learn that we are OK – granny panties and all – and that perfection in our home or life is NOT going to happen and trying to achieve that will only lead to continual disappointment.

My personal goal is to accept it AS IS.  and be HAPPY with that.

That’s me.  GP

School Supplies

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As a child I looked forward to the day we would go to the store to buy all the new school supplies.  I’d eagerly await the chance to pick out my fresh new crayons in the 64 pack if I was lucky!  And once home, it was great fun to touch and sort everything, as my Mum had to write my name on all 64 crayons.

And ironically, my daughter also loves it too.  She has asked for days “when can we go buy school supplies”.  Last week when Walmart cleared the summer display out, we knew the supplies were on their way and we could be shopping soon.

I’ve learned too, that the early bird gets the best duotangs and felts!  Don’t wait til the end of August!  You’ll end up with one colour duotang, or worse have to go to 3 stores to find any at all!  So today was the day, to get the 50 pack of thin felts (after all its better to have more colours!) and the 16 pack of thick felts.  My kids no longer need crayons.  That’s ok.  Now we are onto zipper binders and geometry kits.  I still remember my first geometry kit – I felt so grown up.

I even treated myself to 2 packs of sharpies! A standard pack with 2 black, and a red, blue and green.  But also a special pack that had pink, purple and other neat colours.  Felt pens for grown ups!  🙂  Exciting times. My son was questioning “why are you getting that?”  “Because I want to!”  Serioulsy?!  He doesn’t get it.  He was bemoaning being in the store “can’t we just buy this stuff and get out of here?”  So much like his dad.  Hehe. But it was all there, the glue, pens, paper, etc. And I wanted to look at it all.  I restrained somewhat, but I really wanted to.

So many schools including my daughter’s offer a school supply package.  You pre-order and its given to you on your first day of school.  I did it one year for my son.  And I realized how disappointed I was.  I missed out on my once a year shopping trip!  I didn’t get to pick the big packages of felts etc.  All the kids had exactly the same stuff.  Where is the fun in that? Nope we never pre-order anymore.  I LIKE the shopping and I like getting my kids the larger packs of felts etc so they have all the cool colours.

And now that we are home, my daughter is opening the packages, putting paper in her binders, felts into pencil cases etc.  I totally get it!  Its so much fun!  I’ll have to label it all (not so much fun). But I remember that thrill and its fun to see my daughter getting that same thrill. At this very second, she is opening her first geometry set and checking out the protractor and compass.

I like shopping generally. So does she. But there is something inherently special about that annual foray to get school supplies. We won’t get that trip for another year now.

We did pick up a bunch of other “stuff” like shampoo, bandaids, t-shirts, and granny panties.  But that doesn’t give me the same rush of enjoyment. It’s all about the school supplies!

So that’s me (with my NEW granny panties and sharpie felts!)

So unfair.

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Life is just so unfair.  And nobody said life would be fair, but seriously?! Some people seem to roll along with minor blips and bumps and others get major shit, time after time.  Its not fair.  Its not right.

And one person’s crisis is a bump to another. And vice versa.  Honestly, I’m tired of it all.

So finally my beautiful daughter is on medication and calmer. And able to cope better. So that should be good right?  But the meds are causing her to gain weight FAST.  She is getting fatter.  She is 2 sizes larger than she was just a few months ago.  She can tell.  She can see it.  So my once, tiny, athletic SKINNY girl is now definitely chubby.  And just in time for puberty and when looks count for so much.  As we sat together in her room going thru her clothes and getting rid of the small stuff, she broke down and cried.  “I’m getting fat Mummy”   It broke my heart.  I was the fat kid.  I carry the scars of self hatred and the teasing to this day.  Food is my comfort and enemy.  And now here she is, 9 years old and suddenly in a size 14 pant when she could wear size 10 at Christmas.  Seeing it, feeling it and hating it.  And we know her meds are a big part of the problem.  But she MUST take the meds.  She is a picky eater, so finding food she likes is an issue too. Sigh.  It’s not fair.  Sooo unfair.

Hasn’t she suffered enough losing her dad?  And having a mental disorder that causes her extreme rage and anxiety?  And having to see therapists and doctors? and having her brother hate her and tell her so repeatedly? and having a weak ankle causing her to give up gymnastics which she liked? and her anxiety disorder causing her to have fear of heights so she had to give up diving? and now she is getting fat?  ENOUGH!  This girl is only NINE!  So unfair.

It just makes me cry.  I feel so helpless.  I can’t do much for her.  I can suggest healthy options (which she hates) I can encourage exercise. I can support her tears.  But I can’t take away any of the pain.  And I know the pain first hand.  And I live the pain daily.  I want it to go away.  For me and her.  Its just so unfair.

and that’s me today.  GP.

MYOB

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Ok Pet peeve vent here.  Decades ago, it was believed “it takes a community to raise a child”.  People borrowed a cup of sugar from a neighbour. Maybe it was idealized. Maybe it wasn’t real? But now, it seems judgement is passed far more readily than help or encouragement.

Just today I saw a FB post from a friend, trying to solicit others to criticize another person’s  (also a friend of mine) parenting.  And lots of others jumped on that bandwagon with both feet without knowing the facts. They cast judgment. Most didn’t ask for more facts.  It drives me crazy. Firstly, what business is it of anyone of them? Nobody asked for this advice, comments or opinions.

Why have we become so willing to cast stones against others?  Who made us so much better than our neighbours?  Do you know what they battle each day? When did our “story” become irrelevant?

I’m so sick of it.  I had to stop putting a lot of things on FB as it became too hurtful.  I used to trust most people.  I used to trust that my friends and acquaintances were all essentially good.  I believed in being open and honest.  No facades. (well other than hiding that I personally felt that everyone else was better than me, and I was a failure – but that’s a post for another day). Now I’m jaded, and distrustful.  I’m wary of others’ judgements on me and my life.

Now it seems the only time many want to HELP – is to criticize.  Seeking out the truthful people, the ones who DO care, is challenging. I have many great friends. I have many I trust and who do care.  But its so hard to discern who the “others” are. Who are the ones who are secretly casting judgements and throwing stones behind my back?

Why is it so hard to communicate honestly?  If you are concerned for someone, or their kids then TALK to them.  BE OPEN. BE HONEST.  don’t hide behind FB or ministry Social workers.  Man up.  Don’t gossip.  If we truly want the best for others, then isn’t it up to us to provide it personally? Honesty IS the best policy.  I still believe that.

I WANT a community to help me raise my family.  I WANT to be part of a community that helps raise my friends’ kids.

When I see a friend’s child doing something inappropriate, I’ll tell that child to stop. (heck I’ll tell a total stranger) I’ll tell the parent I did so.  But know what? I’m not judging that parent.  I LOVE my friends’ kids.  I TRUST their parenting.  I know that there is a story for their actions and why they parent as they do, and why the kids may act as they do.  Does that mean I agree with everything all my friends/kids do? Of course not!  Nor do I expect my friends to agree with all my choices.  But if there was something BIG, that I was concerned about, I’d say so. and I would want them to say so to ME.  Don’t hide. Honesty!

Be True, Be real. Hang your Granny Panties on the line for others to see! And if you can’t be honest and true, then MYOB.

and that’s me. Granny Panties and all! 🙂